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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

living in a dodgy apartment: the chronicles

the dodgy apartment is something that everybody eventually lives in. Whether it is the crazy argument going on next door at 4am through the thin walls, your unwanted engagement in a battle vs several cockroaches, the mysterious bite marks, the fact you have no thermostat to control the heat or you're busy playing "where will the next stain appear?" the fun never ends.

The hallways and elevator always stink and this is where most of the stains appear. I found an air mattress soul brother who was living in the laundry room?

oh hai there..i am living on this air bed until I find a new apartment

first the piss stains, phantom hallway poop, elevator gas chamber and now this...

As an owner of an airbed  myself... (sigh).. I will just segway back into the constant appearances of stains and presence of foul odours. Living in this apartment has shown me the trials and tribulations that some poor souls face..ok now I'm being overdramatic.

But yeah, imagine this scenario. You wake up to the loud screams of a guy yelling at his cat or dog about something and barking loudly. Then you leave your overheating apartment to go to work and right beside your door, about five feet to the left, on the drab yellow floor.. a piece of shit. Literally. What?

for every piece of shit I find, I'm deducting a fee from my rent good sirs!

So yeah, thankfully it doesn't stink for some reason. On to the elevator.

Okay..there is a huge stain on the floor of the elevator. It smells like B/O, sambuca and urine. This is fucking lovely. It is almost like it sticks to you and permeates your flesh and exterior clothing, somehow joining the fabrics of your under clothing, be it a t shirt or bra or man bra or whatever.

So from now on I'll stick to the stairs. It's only a few floors up- what's the big deal.

WRONG. It's like people have contests on how many stairs they can piss down in that stairwell. What is going on here? This is where 100 or more piss stains have been found.

Be grateful if you have moved OUT of this scenario..but for those who haven't..witnessing the piss olympics, listening to grown adults argue with appliances or geriatric pets leaving shit in the halls; I say one thing..and that is; YOU MUST try it out.


  1. lol been there, lived in a nasty place a few years ago, only lasted a few months and I was gone!


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  3. Life in an apartment is never a glamorous one.


  4. Owo this look like a shity apartment =p

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