Dr.5z5 Open Feed Directory

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

airmile foolery

Airmiles. Have you heard of them? Most likely. Is there a gimmick here?

What exactly is going on here with these "airmiles"?

Well..I deal with airmiles occasionally..infact..I do all of the time. These "Airmiles" members have been convinced that they will get free flights around the world with their "point card".

Here is the typical Airmiles cardholder, witnessed in an "everyday" mood thanks to this file photo:

"I spent $24000 over the last 5 years and I have 800 air mile? I have to pay the taxes too? What the shit bro? I'm gonna start breakin stuff for real."
Airmiles cardholders spend thousands of dollars in a year on "regular purchases" to get meager point returns. Then they find out they still have to pay the taxes on the flight anyways. It shows you the average "travel logic" of an airmiles cardholder since a flight halfway around the world is usually only a couple hundred bucks...with another $1000 in taxes.

This is airmiles foolery...and if I see someone pull a hissy fit over their airmiles again I'm gonna lose it.
"I just spent $240 and you never gave me my airmiles. Do it now! I want the 10 air miles....DERP..."

"I'm very sorry Mam. Let me credit your airmiles with those 10 missing miles. Keep up at this pace and you can get a flight that would be cheaper to just drive in 25 years..oh'll be dead by then."

Stop airmiles foolery now!

"how are you doing?"

is the most insincere, informal yet formal greeting that has ever existed. The amount of times I hear this question asked by multiple strangers in a day who clearly couldn't careless drives me insane.

"How are you doing today?"

generic response : "Good, you?"

This ridiculous exchange happens far too often and forces people into being liars.

I am no bible thumpin' Jesus man myself, but I even feel a bit of remorse after lying repeatedly to this invasive question.

"How are you doing today?"

"I am doing shitty. Can't you see I am standing in the ocean for no explainable reason? With my arms crossed? My designer suit wrecked with seawater? Potential undertows carrying me adrift to the depths beyond?"

Now..of course this response is over the top, but seriously people- stop asking strangers how they are doing for sake of conversation. It's annoying, pointless and is no longer cordial. I loathe answering people with lies if I am having a shit day and if there is no appropriate convention in an honest response then it is not an appropriate question.

funny bone injuries are real

Well, I just wanted to clarify my missing whereabouts due to a torrent of questions plaguing my inbox. I never realised I was so famous as to get questions pertaining to my whereabouts so I opened the messages I received and then realised it was all unrelated spam mail.

Anyhow, I broke my funny bone in a bizarre exercise accident I attained at an "extreme" gym. I arrived home to my designer apartment laden with pseudo fad furniture and then recoiled with back pain.

Back pains led to a funny bone injury
I collapsed while trying to support myself on my IKEA couch and sure enough I fell shattering my funny bone in several places. This tragic accident prevented me from achieving any form of laughter or hilarity over the last few weeks. I have since boycotted "extreme" gym exercise and will probably wear elbow pads to protect my achilles heel in the future.

Thankfully I made a quick recovery and it was all thanks to a great friend who came and visited me, helping speed the process. I wanted to thank her for helping heal my funny bone injury with godspeed and also wish her well with her future; wherever it may take her. The time together won't be forgotten.

Technologically inclined individuals of the new millenium

A scholarly tech wiz using the internet with tactful skill and a precision that was previously unwitnessed is captured here in this industry file photo. The woman seen here is a jack off all trades/innovator and will soon be opening a computer training school to help teach children the way that a computer is properly used in the 21st century.
Old habits do truly die hard. This up and coming digital mastermind refuses to move on as technology does. Some call her a neophyte with a cause but she refuses to acknowledge even that, simply claiming to be a purist. Here she is uploading some pictures to her website before she sends her grandchildren an email update on her kidney dialysis treatments.