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Saturday, July 16, 2011

latest life mishaps

the glamourous life of a writer/struggling musician/unfunny comedian is why people read this horridly interesting blog. People send me funny messages and yeah, I am not real..but what you are reading about is mostly true.

For example..when I was a young and naive individual, approximately eight months ago...I told a tale about my "elemental bed"

So the link already is misleading. It wasn't just a bed to me.

The misnomer of "airbed" after all wasn't really false at was an air bed..but elements are so cool, so tragic and full of raw power....sadly, my dear airbed wasn't so strong and cut from the cloth we know as "legend".

So I guess a seam popped in the wretched thing. That is what they told me. At first I thought it was a tumour; some sort of tumour that a male airbed gets..(airbeds have sexes..I don't care what you say..Mine had the air input nozzle with the pin entry in the small hole..this denotes male airbed to me. I have seen the other models of airbed. They have a wider gaping hole which attaches to an air pump. There clearly are two.)
...some sort of hellish tumour it was as well.

This thing was always perfect. It was like I was camping in a poorly ventilated, cockroach ridden room. It was pretty sweet. Then it formed a bubble bump type thing in the upper quadrant near the head zone..or what I believe may be called "Pillow ground zero", "sleep operation HQ" or "the memorlax zone".

Soon it spread..I was laying on it the other day fondly, watching the record spin on my player, and it kinda bubbled out under me. It was traumatizing. The tumours were growing through his volumatic body. It continued and continued until it finally deflated near the bottom regions I call the "footlands". Airbed was dead. My soul brother had moved on to Walmart heaven where all the other rejected products go after their months or even days of deception and false love.

This airbed was my life..I spent 6-12 hours a day with knew me and supported me half the time I bounced around like a crazy sod. It probably happened because I didn't refill it with air. I spent months just laying around and not treating it right..I didn't give it that reassuring breath of air I call "Human to sub par Mattress CPR".

Either way. RIP my dear friend. It was a long, crazy trip. So many memories..and don't worry..the ones who slept atop your sturdy frame above the airbubbles that filled your heart, know you were held dear.

Dec 10-July 11. Gone but not forgotten; Airbroholio.

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